DAY ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-FIVE

I have the best wife in the whole world. Today is her birthday and the kids and I got her the best present she could ever ask for. The kids went to school and I went to work. She had the house to herself to do what she wanted when she wanted to. I also ordered her a new pit pack. A pit pack is a bag of cherry pits that you microwave and they retain the heat and the pits rubbed against your skin through their cloth bag feels quite nice.
But that isn't the reason I have the best wife in the world.
Yesterday, I was pretty ticked about author Brian Keene having nothing better to do than bash me on his blog. See yesterday's blog for a full update. When I told her about it her response was;
"Why do you care?"
I was immediately dumbfounded. Why did I care? Maybe because he was getting his facts wrong and I really don't like being called names. Then she said something else.
"How many sites do you write for?"
Well, this seemed off the beaten path of what I was complaining about, but then I took a moment to tick them all off in my head;
There is Askew Reviews, Exploitation Retrospect, Beyond The Groovy Age Of Horror, Cult Cuts, B-Independent, Divine Exploitation, Penguin Comics and a few others that friends would invite me to lend my meager expertise in films to.
Then she said;
"How many people do you think read what you write in total from all the places you write for?" And before I could respond she added, "And that doesn't include the fiction that you write that has been published and you publish yourself."
Hmmm, that would probably be quite a lot. See, I primarily write about film. I'm the guy who watches that micro budget crap so a lot of people don't have to. I also discover gems in the rough and recommend them to people all over the world. I'm a minor expert in the films of Jess Franco. I'm no Tim Lucas, but I know the difference between Soledad Miranda and Lina Romay. I get to see films like CHOKING HAZARD before the general public. An awesome film by the way. Hunt it down and watch it as soon as you can. You won't be sorry.
So, as I mentioned before, I have the best wife in the world. So what if I don't fit in the narrow concept of what Brian Keene deems famous? So what? In the end I get to write what I want and sometimes it gets published and I make a couple of bucks. When it comes to film reviews and interviews I always get published. Sometimes for free, sometimes for screeners. And if you consider that I usually sell most of my screeners on Amazon it's not a bad way to make a couple of bucks doing something I like to do.
And then my wife said one last thing that really drove it home for me.
"I don't even know who Brian Keene is. He's not important."
I have the best wife in the world.
Yesterday I made up a fake email so I could post comments on Brian Keene's blog. It worked because my harmless comment got posted. Now I can see what a waste of time it was. So, I'm off to write reviews and things that I'm working on for me and whoever wants to read it.
I finished the first draft of a humor piece called My Vasectomy. A couple more polishes and it should look pretty good and damn funny. My chapbook The Penultimate MAchinations OF Fu Manchu is done and off to my cover artist Linc Polderman to work his infinite magic. Now I have to start working on the next one entitled Two Fisted Cthulu Tales. It's kind of a sequel to The Shadow Over Innsmouth if it had been printed in a men's adventure magazine from the 40's crossed with Toho Godzilla movies. Should be fun.
So, no more Hail Saten blog for me. Because who is Brian Keene anyway? And I have the best wife in the world.
I love you Martha.